i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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