Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
