She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
