Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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