We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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