i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
