she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
