My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
