Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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