he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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