Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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