Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
