I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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