Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
