NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
