i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
