my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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