Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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