Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
