Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
