Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
