I think I died a long time ago.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
