just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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