Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
