so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
