i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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