Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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