I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
