remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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