i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
