ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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