i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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