apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
