new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
