If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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