You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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