Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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