It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
