Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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