i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
