legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
