i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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