yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
