i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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