i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
