Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
