Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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