im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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