I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
