I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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