i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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