So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
