I wish I only lived at night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
