I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
