I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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