How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have already put on my inside pants.
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