There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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