I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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