I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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