you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
