i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
