I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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