party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
All the doctor said was why
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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