I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids