Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.

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  (512): Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out. http://tfl.nu/0209
  Replies (32) Good night (576) Bad night (4275) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

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  (614): I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help. http://tfl.nu/rixg
  Replies (20) Good night (2479) Bad night (4972) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.

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  (972): Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive. http://tfl.nu/x0bv
  Replies (3) Good night (3593) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get

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  (252): its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get http://tfl.nu/sb3f
  Replies (18) Good night (1125) Bad night (3851) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...

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  (416): Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card... http://tfl.nu/vpen
  Replies (9) Good night (4117) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.

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  (617): The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door. http://tfl.nu/n48k
  Replies (29) Good night (3812) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.

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  (770): He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology. http://tfl.nu/vyx3
  Replies (9) Good night (3240) Bad night (733)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.

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  (413): he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home. http://tfl.nu/1p9s
  Replies (5) Good night (769) Bad night (3317) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess

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  (907): I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess http://tfl.nu/1h29
  Replies (25) Good night (3663) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!

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  (678): Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?! http://tfl.nu/sa9o
  Replies (10) Good night (1980) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM

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  (336): Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM http://tfl.nu/7din
  Replies (9) Good night (1669) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm a corrupt cop.

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  (678): You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably. (404): I'm a corrupt cop. http://tfl.nu/teya
  Replies (4) Good night (1634) Bad night (256)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.

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  (705): Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old. http://tfl.nu/q951
  Replies (7) Good night (213) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.

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  (201): It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night. http://tfl.nu/1gt9
  Replies (2) Good night (545) Bad night (189) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.

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  (613): The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me. http://tfl.nu/tj8o
  Replies (2) Good night (735) Bad night (166) Order T-Shirt

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