I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.