saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...