i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?