I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
