Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
