dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
