I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
