My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
