why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
