Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
