conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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