i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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