I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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